Finding J-O-Y in our journey.: Mommy Monday

Mothers Day this year was great. I am so thankful Heavenly Father gave me such an amazing little boy to raise for him. When I first found out I was pregnant, of course I was nervous/scared/excited/etc. but I felt peace I knew I was carrying a special baby. When I was about 6 weeks along me and Gary decided to get away for the weekend and headed to Spokane to watch the USA Volleyball Team play and go to Silverwood. When we got there I was pretty tired but we headed to the game and dinner. When we got back to the hotel I was wiped out and went to sleep, only to wake up in a couple hours spotting. I was so shaken up and lost on what to do. I wasn't able to get ahold of anyone at all, and Gary was reading on what it could be(miscarriage) but suggested it could be something minor. The next morning I was bleeding more and more, and my mom suggested I go get checked out. By this time in the day I could not handle it any longer and we packed up our stuff and headed home. We got home about 1 and met my parents at the ER. They gave me some stuff to help calm me down, and finally checked me out.

This was one of the scariest moments of my life. I say that even after being through the NICU too, but it really was. Here I was a young girl, pregnant on accident, and not in the best situation to bring a child into the world. But they were telling me that I probably was indeed miscarrying, and to prepare myself. I couldn't handle what they were saying, I was breaking down to my weakest point I've ever been in. Once they checked me out and didn't find too much, they decided to do an internal ultrasound. The three of us were crying, and praying hoping for a baby to still be there. It was a very weird ultrasound, but when that little "blob" popped up on the screen, my heart was full. I cried and cried and cried. I promised God I would raise this baby to be a very happy child to the best of my ability.

When I went into Labor that Saturday morning, I was in the same spot I was just four months earlier. I was so lost as to what way this would turn. I was angry that God would let me carry this baby this far, to have my love grow for him to an overwhelming amount, and here he was about to take him back home. I was being selfish. But then I gave birth to that sweet little baby boy, a true miracle. I see all babies as miracles. The very thought that our bodies can produce such a creation is a gift. I am so thankful Heavenly Father let me carry my babe as long as he did and to continue to raise him here on Earth. I feel so blessed to be his mother. He is such a joy to so many lives. His story has been shared all over the US. And to be the one who able to kiss him each morning and night humbles me everyday.