#14

Today I am thankful to be alive. To be healthy. To be able to love my child unconditionally. A girl I knew very very little was struck by a car while walking in Seattle on late Tuesday/early morning Wednesday. She had died of head injuries on late Wednesday. She was so smart, beautiful, and had so much life to life. She was always so nice each time I saw her, my prayers go to her friends and family. But this started to make me think about things I never really have.

I was always a little nervous to die when I was growing up. It was what the unknown that was after death that always made me uneasy. Thanks to my dad he made me realize that there really is no reason to be afraid. That him and my mom would take care of everything and I was just to be happy being with Jesus. Well years have past and my views on life have change more and more. When I delivered Gabriel and he was in such a critical state, I thought about what I would do if he was to die. I never knew how I would get through. We had some really close calls and those days were scarier than you'd ever imagine, but he pulled through. He was born in a bad winter time, so of course my mind used to go to thinking about what would I do if Gary got in a bad accident what would I do then? How would I get through each day without him? How would I support a brand new baby with multiple medical needs, and myself? How would we manage?

And today is when I thought about the reverse in this situation. It was almost unbearable to think of me dying, but I need to realize that it can happen sooner than I expect or want. I never thought of the how would THEY(G&G) make it through? Would Gary remember to give Gabe his vitamins? Would he make sure to sing Gabe a lullaby when he has a bad dream? Would he make sure to teach him how to tie his shoes? Would Gabe have a good first day at school even though his mommy wasn't there to hold his hand all the way to the school door and give him a big hug and kiss? Would Gary remember to give him the birds and the bees talk? Would he make sure he always had clean socks? Would he look for me on his high school graduation? Would he know how much I love him? Who would take care of him? Would Gary know I'd want him to find happiness but still keep my memory alive for Gabe? Oh the endless.heartwrenching.never.ending.questions.!

Today, from now on, I am going to make sure I have a plan set in place, for any scenario. I am going to make sure Gabe knows how much I love him. I plan on making plans with my husband for things if I am not here for any reason in the future. I love these boys with every fiber in my body, and my whole spirit. Today.I.Am.Thankful.For.LIFE.