Holland

Tonight I have been blog hopping.. I have been reading some stories of some amazing families and experiences and I can't help but tear up. 3 different ones all have the story "Welcome to Holland". Reminds me of my Gabe. He is not disabled but he was. He still has his daily struggles. He is a tiny guy, has major vision issues. Reading this story gets me EVERY time. I flash back to that moment when I saw that sick flood with two lines, I thought about that moment when I walked by the baby section and was jerked over by my desire to touch all the soft fuzzy blankets. I was taken back to the moment I found blood using the restroom. In that moment my whole world was crashing in. Gary and I were clueless on what to do. We rushed home and were sent home saying I would miscarry. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, I just couldn't.

We were sent to the specialist here and they told us Gabe was doing well but there were issues with me. I would not be able to carry him to term. I would not be able to deliver him naturally. He would be breach. He would have complications because he would come early. We held onto that hope that the doctors were wrong. We went about our lives, busy making plans.. and then BAM here he was. So tiny. So sick. So helpless. But oh so PERFECT! He was our GABE!!

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."

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Enjoy your children. Enjoy your 'normal' lives. Whatever that might be. Because you know what? I am over here enjoying my 'Holland" and I can't imagine anything better :)